Jet-Assisted Bombast & Exhortation Racer


In the wake of the war, before the Reformation Years, greater parts of war-torn regions of the world descended back into a primitive state. Civilisation was lost in these areas, and with the Governments wholly occupied with domestic problems and policy, it was the Church that was expected to bring order to the dispossessed.

Missionary work has of course been going on for centuries, but this time it presented a whole new raft of challenges. Primitive though these “lost” people now were, they still had access to advanced weaponry and maintained a paranoid suspicion towards outsiders.

It was into these dangerous territories that a new breed of Missionary determined to go: battle-hardened, tough, and very, very dangerous, these men were known as Pedersen’s Portable Precepts, or their official title, The Brotherhood of the Word and the Gun.

To support the noble goals of these selfless individuals, it fell to Pedersen to produce appropriate transportation. With typical inspired genius, the Jet-Assisted Bombast and Exhortation Racer (or JABER) was born.

Based on a trophy-winning racing chassis, the jet-assisted model was capable of nought to fifty-three miles per hour in less than two seconds – sufficient acceleration to escape the wrath of possible unappreciative congregations.

The original sport tricycle was fitted with a Universal Talking and Tasting Expression Relay (UTTER) capable of 500 wpm (words per minute) – essential when a Brother was compelled to “speak in tongues”. The semi organic device not only amplified the voice from the cockpit microphone, it was also able to detect minute pheromone levels given off from humans, enabling the missionary to gauge, very accurately, the mood and disposition of his congregation.

News of the JABER’s production spread far and wide, and the popular press, while slightly in awe of the Brotherhood of the Word and the Gun, were still quick to find a number of sobriquets for the JABER: the “Preach Buggy” being the most favourable.

The image here shows a JABER with its mouth in maintenance mode. The “tongue” is at full extension to facilitate access to the UTTER mechanism. Also note the Baptism Rag deployed at the end of the rod on the driver’s right side.

3 Responses to “Jet-Assisted Bombast & Exhortation Racer”

  1. inspirationbit said:

    I wonder how this device looks like when it has to express/deliver laughter? 😉

  2. p3lb0x said:

    That’s a good question

  3. Dr Smilax said:

    Religion is no laughing matter! The original JABER was probably incapable of such a thing.

    But with a tongue like that, can you imagine how loud it could blow a raspberry?