Codex Transportica

On the 1st of April, the world was rejoicing. The Vjegoslavians, seemingly beaten into submission, had capitulated. All that remained was the formal signing of the peace treaty drawn up by the Allies. Arrangements were made, and a neutral territory was selected. At the given time, hundreds of Allied dignitaries assembled in preparation for a new era of peace.

Unfortunately, the Vjegoslavians had in fact made other plans. Tricksters to the last, the “pen” to be used by them to sign the treaty was in fact a heavily customised Epee class booster rocket, filled with a deadly combination of neurotoxins and acids, fed via the nib under high pressure.

Launched with pin-point accuracy, the Lapsus Calami (literally: “slip of the pen”) landed precisely on the line where the Vjegoslavian officials were due to sign. Inevitably, the payload was reliably deployed, and the day became a dark one indeed for the rejoicing Allies as they were cloaked in acidic choking poison gas. The death toll was almost 100%.

That same day, gloating Vjegoslavian newspapers gleefully reported on having “written off” many of the most senior of the Allied Generals and Commanders. It would indeed seem that the pen can be truly mightier than the sword – particularly if said pen is a solid-rocket boosted toxic nightmare.

Our illustration shows the Epee class in launch position. Note the recoil bracing chains front and back, and of particular interest is the sarcasm shown by the launch / boost mechanism: simply a huge rubber band released under high tension to accelerate the rocket to its ignition velocity.

Other “amusing” details include the hood ornament, which is a scale model of the very first rocket launched at the commencement of hostilities years before, and Ziegfried the bear, favourite toy of the Vjegoslavian Prime Minister’s beloved daughter, which can be seen perched on the tractor’s front bumper.

A Lapsus Calami Commemorative Pen quickly went into production after the event and remains a best seller; every Vjegoslavian school child will almost certainly have learnt to write their name with one – and, in the school yard, will have enjoyed the novelty pretend poison ink squirting ink mechanism built into the barrel.