Sedan Hussein (aka the Seedier Gestatoria)


The vast object illustrated herein is a custom-built luxury sedan chair for the despotic ruler Mahmood (aka “Bad Mood”) von Hussein-Jones, self-styled “Pope” to the oppressed poor of the Middle Eastern regions. Paralysed from the waist down after stepping on an anti-personnel mine in the early part of the war, he developed a paranoia matched only by his brutality, and was known to rule with an iron fist, and usually a loaded gun immediately to hand for dealing with uncooperative staff.

As can be seen, the sedan itself is a degenerate homage to the Pope’s own Sedia Gestatoria, but conveyed by an array of four “peewee” model caterpillar units. Note the distance between the units themselves and the chair. This is entirely due to Hussein’s paranoid demands that he be a minimum of 35 feet from any part of the sedan chair that is touching the ground – tracing back to his old fear that one of the units would strike a mine and trigger an explosion.

The chair is raised and lowered by use of hydraulics at the apex of each “leg” unit, and this system also ensures that the sedan chair remains perfectly level when traversing difficult terrain (Hussein was well-known to enjoy a light gin and tonic during longer journeys, and would become irate if it were to spill)

Ironically, after all the efforts to design and build the sedan to maximise Hussein’s safety when traversing dangerous terrain, he was in fact killed by the chair itself when he inadvertently manoeuvred the device underneath a high-tension electricity pylon. As he elevated to chair to deliver his speech, the flag pole touched the power lines above him, and 50,000 volts discharged through the chair (and Hussein himself) to earth.

The celebrations went on for several weeks thereafter, with flaming effigies of Hussein burning on every street corner. It is even rumoured that an illustration of the sedan chair itself is likely to grace the newly minted 1 million Khaleeji note of the New Free Gulf States.

2 Responses to “Sedan Hussein (aka the Seedier Gestatoria)”

  1. mouser said:

    I want one!

  2. Dr Smilax said:

    I use mine for the weekly shop. It’s a real head-turner but a little tricky with the parallel parking.